11-14-13
Columbus, OH – Café Bourbon Street
In Defence, Checkmate, Putrid Cause, Hairy Lips
-Matthias Joyce
I’m typing this from the floor of some guy name Mattard’s house while Hulk Hogan’s ‘No Holds Barred’plays on VHS in the background. As per usual, Kevin and I are the last ones awake, drinking Natural Ice and talking about vintage wrestling (this has been a prevalent theme so far on this tour). I got thrown into a pole whilst trying to mosh holding a video camera tonight, and my back is killing me. I’m going to see if I can’t set a record writing this as fast as possible—apologies in advance.
In Defence woke up this morning at The Harrison House in Fort Wayne, Indiana, and spent the morning watching Botchamania and standing over Kevin’s sleeping body holding a giant fucking medieval sword. We eventually roused him by playing Manowar loudly next to his head, and got on the road around 3 PM.
Highlights of the road to Ohio were two kids walking along the side of the road wielding crowbars, and hearing Jeff Nicholas, In Defence’s drummer, talk about some kid in his high school who was expelled from school for letting goats into the principals office to shit all over peoples transcripts…then came back on graduation day to blast Bruce Springsteen’s‘Born in the USA’ on a boombox outside the school.
We arrived at Mattard’s house around 8 PM, and immediately began poring over his extensive VHS collection. The guys from Putrid Cause came over, and we watched some Jean Claud Van Damme movie that sucked pretty badly (he didn’t slow-mo roundhouse anyone until the last 5 fucking minutes of the movie). 
Departing shortly after, we headed to Café Bourbon Street in Columbus, where we watched ‘The Decline of Western Civilization’ on a small tube TV at the bar and drank Black Label with some local punks. I haven’t seen that documentary in years, and it was a great precursor for the rest of the night.
Hairy Lips, a hardcore/metal crossover band, played first, followed by Putrid Cause, an awesome hardcore punk band that would’ve made G.G. Allin proud—their singer got buck naked and threw himself into the crowd, and went on about “trying not to fucking die” in-between songs. Checkmate, a female-fronted hardcore band, played second-to-last, and In Defence went on when everyone was absolutely ready to mosh and destroy the place (which they did). 
During In Defence’s set, I bought some cute girl a beer and talked to her for a bit, and was hitting things off fairly well… only to get sucked into a tightly-knit circle pit moments later, dropping my beer and phone in the process—better luck next time. In Defence played a few throwbacks, including ‘Call More Dudes’, and people were moshing and partying like crazy. This was definitely the most fun show on tour so far, with a great response and rad people (aside from some guy who started ripping on Star Wars, and was promptly told to shut the hell up by a disgruntled merch guy who will remain anonymous).
We got back to Mattard’s place in time to watch this incredible Hulk Hogan movie, and as I type this entry, Kevin and I are discussing the virtues of being perpetually alone, avoiding morbid obesity, and imagining people you don’t like floating in space and experiencing rapid decompression. I have to wake up in about 5 hours and start off the drive to Philadelphia, so I’d best wrap this up. Only one more day ‘til we meet up with Toxic Holocaust and Ramming Speed, and we’re all getting pretty fucking excited. As always, thank you for reading my inane bullshit.
-Matthias Joyce
for more photos, updates, etc: www.facebook.com/matthiasjoyce
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